Now that my twelve year old daughter has had her menstrual cycle -- PMS for a couple of years now, my patient husband and impatient me have decided to give her (us) a week off during those days of pure chaos. Any reason or rationality goes out the door. Complete pandemonium.

This is one of the many benefits to homeschooling. I've noticed during my kids years of puberty and hormones, we all needed to step away from our usual routine. Either get more sleep, more food, more alone time, whatever.

My go-to remedy for when my kids behavior gets out-of-control, I do one or all of the following: Feed them. Focusing primarily on highly nutritious food. Because I suspect that maybe their temporary behavior issue is caused by an imbalance in their diet.

Next, I give them a long, warm, relaxing bath. Bathroom is scented with relaxing fragrances, lights are dimmed, etc. At some point, I'll gently clean their backs. Maybe even give them a quick foot rub.

And finally, I'll put them to bed. I believe sleep is crucial during their growing years. Preteens, teens are still going through growth spurts. And I noticed behavior changes during this time as well. Additional sleep helps them rest their body and mind. Eventually waking up behaving like their "normal sweet selves".

But, if "I'm hormonal too", this is a different story. There are times I may not have the patience needed to be more compassionate with "my own kids" during this challenging time. During those times, I may need... to eat, need a bath, need to sleep.

One of the sweet, beloved older ladies from one of my knitting groups died last week. Just three weeks ago she told me, that she had six months. Thankful she trusted me with this disturbing news, first I was speechless. I informed her of my honesty, "I don't know what to say", as I squeezed her affectionately like I always did. Stoicly she was appreciative for my compassion.

Thinking back now, I've learned so much from this bittersweet experience. This Canadian, bilingual, french speaking woman taught me even more about tenacity. How to keep living through adversity. Though she knew she was dying, she continued on with her usual life routine.

Many of us ladies (my husband, and daughter included) valued her as a fellow participant. She was an extremely knowledgeable knitter. Many participants still have unfinshed projects she was graciously assisting them with.

This knitting group is not a class. All levels are welcomed. Whenever one of us is challenged by a stitch or project, usually another avail themselves to assist. Even myself, or my husband or even my twelve year old daughter helps someone with a challenge (and vice versa).

Looking back, I'm sure she suspected she had very limited time left. She expressed no fear
and a feisty determination to keep going with her life. She was there answering questions and also completing projects she was making for others.

It was such an honor to have experienced her. I loved her strength, her compassion. She always inquired about how I was feeling. Encouraged me to keep going and that I'd soon get a kidney. I even have a pink hat she gave me. And knitting books she gave me and my husband.

During meetups, I look over to her usual spot, where she sat. One leg was amputated, yet her son brought her to every knit activity. She was there. Continuing...

Message: keep going. Don't procrastinate. No one knows how long. She was told six months. But unfortunately, she had far less time. But with her time, she continued. Did what she wanted. Helped others. Was kind, regardless of her fate.

What a privilege to go to bed, wake up knowing those most important to me are safe and well. I'm in good health and spirits. We all have the things we need - each other, quality friends, food and shelter. And what an extra bonus each year to go to sleep New Years Eve and wake New Years day to continued Twilight Zone episodes. Regardless of seeing repeats, each viewing is as enjoyable as the first time.

About 10:00 pm, New Years Eve, instantly I had a brief bout feeling melancholy. Sort of frightened by another new year fastly approaching. "Did I accomplish all intentions in 2016?" I quietly wondered. No, I no longer write down resolutions each year. But I do "think" about those things I'd like to happen (and what I intend to do to bring my desires into fruition).

Mentally listing all the life lessons I've learned. All the amazing experiences I was fortuned. Inspirational people who've touched my life. New friends and relationships that have developed.

Time seems to be racing by. And there are so many moments I just want to last. For instance, my daughter and I snuggled in bed this morning chatting, she, knitting while we both watched Twilight Zone. She's twelve and I'm so thankful she still wants to be under her mom (and dad).

And my son, he's been home for about a week, This trip, he relaxed more and was more himself. Usually when he comes home from the academic intense college he attends and he's stressed. Naturally he's a laid back, affable person. Thankfully this is who he was this trip. Hopefully he's adapting to the stress he  endures at school as he aims to do only his best. His dad and I reminds him that we are truly proud of who and what he is.

I'm having surgery (fistula) tomorrow. Luckily I feel limited to no anxiety about the upcoming procedure. My surgeon is awesome and knowing that I'll be in good hands keeps me calm. I'm in the care of amazing doctors to which I'm grateful.

That's all for now. I know it's been a while since I've last blogged. Thing is, I often have interesting ideas and content in my head. By the time I find the time and energy to write, I'm no longer inspired. Hopefully this all changes in this new year. I'm a creative person and happiest when I'm creating and sharing. May my readership grow this year and years to come. And may I become  a much better blogger.

Happy New Year!

Gift ideas for a dialysis patient ~

A hug, a smile goes a long way.

A card. A note. A call. A text. An email expressing you're thinking of them.

A warm meal (see renal diet). Cooking is always a key to the heart.

If crafty, a hand-made (sew, crochet, knit, loom, etc.) item such as:  a warm blanket. A warm scarf or cowl (neck warmer). Warm socks. Warm ear muffs. Warm gloves. It gets cold in most dialysis units. Comfort is essential during those three hours (or longer) treatments.

Notebook. Pen. *I know I like to write during my treatments. My dialysis bag is full of tools for artistic expression.

Large sturdy travel-type bag. *I take two large bags. One bag, I have my bedding - twin size sheet, a warm twin sized quilt, a small arm pillow (used under needled arm for extra support), a U-shaped pillow (I use mine in front, under my chin opposed to the usual behind the neck). And the other bag, I carry my composition books - one I use to record information about my treatment for the day, such as: arrival time, attending technician, dry weight, labs done, my mood, health issues, blood pressure plus questions for my nephrologist (who comes to the unit once a week).

A long back scratcher. *When confined to one spot for three or more hours one can itch in even the weirdest places. Hard to get to places to. Though my husband is nearby, his nails are not always enough to satisfy or reach the itch.

A wide fan. *Yes, it gets cold. But a few times, it has gotten pretty warm. And I've come close to removing clothing in an attempt to cool off. Thankfully I had my handy fan. Everything necessary is in my bag :)

Tasty lasting snack. *My treatments start at 4:30 am - for three hours. By 7 am, I get hungry. So I keep either a half sandwich. Or crackers. Or a piece of fruit. And hard candies. Most of the time, I have a small water in my bag too.

Thermo cooler. Keep those snacks they may want to stay cold. *I carry those small bag-shaped thermos so that they can fit in my dialysis bag.

Reading material. A nice book mark. Find out renal patients literary interest. *I'm an avid reader. So I keep a book I own, included with due library books to complete in my dialysis bag.

Lotion, chap stitch *Yes, I keep all this in my bag too. Lips and skin gets or feels dry which can add to discomfort.

A mirror. *I keep a small mirror in my bag. No, I haven't used it, yet. But one is there just in case.

Gum, mints, etc. *I one or all of these things in my bag. I'm very paranoid about the freshness of my breath. Though I brush/floss, mouthwash regularly, still. Since this condition, it's harder maintaining a fresh smelling or feeling mouth.

Games - such as, playing cards, chess board, etc. *Sometimes my husband and I play chess (he's teaching me because I want to surprise my chess playing kids).

Ear Phones (and music device), *Of course, these are in my bag, plus something (I forget the name) I use to watch educational videos on. It also can be used to listen to CD's.

Eye mask or shades. *It is very bright inside the units. Sometimes they'll allow patient to wear eye mask or shades.

Calendar - since everyone have the time or energy to figure out how to use their cell phone (if they own one) as a calendar. So a traditional paper calendar can be useful to keep medical appointments. Keep track of medications, list physicians and so on.

Well, that's all I can thing of right now. But I think I've blogged about "What's in my dialysis bag" previously. Take some ideas from what's in my bag to possible purchase or hand-create for someone you may want to do something special. Let me know if this was useful or if you have any questions or suggestions about adding somethings to this list.

Had a wonderful day of thanks with family and friends. I certainly have much for which to be thankful, thankfully.

Looking forward to resuming swim routine. I was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago for a fistula infection. Forgot the exact name of infection, but it turns out, my frequent swimming didn't help. Though the antibiotics prescribed did help clear up infection, the wound has yet to completely heal. In the meantime, I take walks. Plan to return to the gym to exercise soon. I swim still, but only in my head. Since I just learned to swim this summer, I want to keep up with improvements. Only in my head, I practice my strokes, my breathing...until.

Had a fistalogram (Google) last week. A minor surgery. It went well. Need another fistula surgery soon. But the wound has to heal first. Hopefully surgeon can eliminate some of the grotesque appearance of my arm due to the fistula. If not, do whatever is necessary.

Through it all, I feel optimistic. Like a quote I've embraced from a cherished Bruce Lee book I own, "adapt like water". Well, I've become the water. Going with the flow.

How cool is this? being able to watch, "Seinfeld" (fluffy shirt episode) at 4:30 am on a Saturday during my three hour dialysis treatment.  Covered in a hand quilted, twin-sized blanket my husband and I purchased weeks ago at a neighborhood flea market.

November 8th, I was in a hospital bed - on an antibiotics IV, recovering from a minor dialysis fistula infection. Days before, I was in a packed ER room, frantically filling out my mail-in ballot to cast my procrastinated vote for the candidate I least feared to lead this country.

Home now. I awoke this morning feeling panicky. Worried. After all, myself and many of the quality people with whom I associate, many friends; people whom I love and respect fit the diverse profiles those publicly ranted; plethora of irresponsible, vicious, negative "tweets" were against.

Who will lead people like me, like us... minus any toxic hate or vengeance or ignorance? I'm concerned. But I'm sure, with time and thought, I'll quickly recover. The Behaviors won't affect my life, our lives.. will they? Are those who are okay with the behaviors, those who celebrate, do they too secretly harbor these type of feelings for those who are different?

Being an "anti-bullying" type of parent who teaches and models quality behavior - kindness, tolerance, respect, fairness, decency, honesty, integrity, reason, logic, thoughtfulness,  mindfulness, forgiveness; hard work (you will not start your lives at 3rd base then go on acting like you hit a home run, thus treating others as if they are inferior and so on), get your facts first, knowledge, intellectual curiosity and so on. How do I continue to parent teaching that all these traits of quality character are the keys to success in this world?

Mind you, my escalating medical expenses have been causing extreme stress. I've worked most of my life. But, I'm not on disability or any other type of assistance. My husband, a tax accountant is our sole income. The debt from the rising cost of frequent co-pays, prescriptions, etc. had me really questioning my vote. Here I was, in fistula pain for days afraid of the copay of the ER visit. My fears of medical cost is one of the causes of my current predicament with renal disease. Afraid to get medical care because of the cost. I don't want to possibly leave my already struggling family in debt!

I was reluctant to blog about this subject as I'm a believer in keeping my religious/political beliefs private. After all, for example. When you cast your political vote, it's in a securely enclosed space. No one can see. And respectfully, no one asks.

My religious thoughts are the same, enclosed and private. And I'm not expressing either here, really. Just my fears of the known (past behaviors), and the unknown (would the past behaviors continue or worsen)? I'm stuck in a constant sickness to my stomach wondering/worrying...

Politics and Religion can be unpleasantly divisive. It can reveal "conditional" feelings quickly. If someone expressed deep love and kindness and support and civility toward you at one point, then later even suspect you may not believe exactly as they do, they immediately change. Instantly become less loving. Less kind. Less supportive. And less civil. It's rather unfortunate.

This possibility is truly scary and hurtful. It can sting whenever it happens to the best of us. But I noticed that even though I've avoided these subjects in my personal life, believers can hear my glaring silence when these subjects sneak up and most of the time, they judge.

But you live and you learn.  Nevertheless, you remain true to who you are. Those who are genuine will find you and you won't have to be concerned if their treatment of you is conditional or unconditional. Their goodness, their generosity, their gracefulness will be sincere & long-lasting.

A great wise woman once said, I think it was Maya Angelou, "when people show you who they are, believe them".

I know I'm not alone in my feelings or my predicament. I bravely hit, "Publish" . Then, "share" buttons.