When I'm finally fortunate a healthy kidney, first thing I'm going to freely do is, drink a humongous pitcher of iced water with no trepidation, followed by an assortment of juicy fruits & succulent veggies. Dialysis/Renal disease - these liquid restrictions are killing me, figuratively.

Weight gain has become rapid lately. Weighing in before each treatment has become the bane of my existence. As of late, each weigh in is followed by emotional turmoil at its reading. It gets higher and higher which means, I need extra fluids removed at once, which poses a risk of excruciating muscle cramps during treatments or worse.

It's 4th of July holiday weekend now. I can barely enjoy myself with the constant focus on what I'm consuming in beverage or food. I thought I was self-disciplined enough to get through the complications of this disease like a champion. Lately, I  have been failing myself and those who possibly are inspired by me in silence.

Moments like these are when I wish I had helicopter type parents who hovered my diet and prepared healthy meals for me. Parents who were willingly involved with my recovery and longevity. Yeah, I'm an adult, a grown ass woman. But every child (young or old) yearns for the nurture and guidance of an unconditionally loving, supportive, generous, unselfish parent. Especially if they've never had it. I wish. I wish. I wish.

I wish I were financially wealthy to hire a staff - to cook, to clean. This way I won't have to worry about maintaining those necessary things that has taken so much energy, time and patience to successfully keep up. There would be no guilt or shame in having someone else do the work I've already "paid" them to do. When fatigue from the condition overwhelms me, at least I'll know my personal chef is preparing something suitable for the renal diet I'm on until I get a kidney. Even after the kidney, I plan to continue healthier eating habits.

And my hired cleaning person can alleviate me of my OCD habits and tendencies by simply maintaining a regimen of suitable sanitary and orderly living conditions in my almost hoarded living space (lots of books, yarn, board games, containers...) so that I can avoid obsessing over/ being easily distracted by the littlest, trivial things around me.

Eliminating the sodium intake is crucial. Not only for the high blood pressure, the stroke, the heart issues, the kidney challenges, but for overall health maintenance. High sodium can cause me to get thirstier and crave more liquids, which is something to avoid, so I do.

Before the awareness of my health conditions, I consumed high amounts of iced water on a daily basis. Craved it, enjoyed it. And now, with my frequent runs, bike rides, trips to the gym; completely active lifestyle, my appetite for water, for ice increases. I'm at a quandary. I can have so little liquids it seems so abnormal for me not to naturally drink what my body craves. Sigh.