Muscle cramps. Intense. Painful.

About four times this month towards the latter part of my dialysis treatments, I've been stricken with awful muscle cramps. Many of the dialysis patients have had them, so when someone is in their form of expressed agony, no one else present that day stares or ask questions. Yeah, the technicians and nurses do their best to offer much needed pain relief from the intensity of the cramping episode by returning some of the fluid that was removed for that days treatment.

Muscle cramps usually occur when too much fluid has been removed (when I weigh in "heavy" before treatments, it is assumed that I overindulged in the forbidden liquid restraint. Too much liquid could mean -- no more blogging from Sage, forever as I risk the eternal realm of seizing to exist).

When these  twisting, muscle bending cramps happen, patient is expected to remain inclined in dialysis chair. Usually the patient is still hooked to the dialysis machine through two, big, long, painful needles on one arm (or in the chest if patient has temporary dialysis catheter - which I had for a year or so), plus a blood pressure monitor on the other arm - as cuff is kept on during entire dialysis treatment to frequently monitor  pressure rise or fall, which can pose a set of other risk in need of immediate attention.

I've had several experiences with these muscle cramps while on dialysis. And each time they are unlike the other, and nothing like your normal muscle cramps where you can still talk easily or sensibly or even coherently.

I talk, no, I scream. Not being a religious person at all, other than the enjoyment of the study of world religions & cultures & philosophies & anything new that I find interesting or enlightening -- for lack of personal ignorance and added intelligence in knowing that there is a plethora of beliefs, ideas on this planet. Everyone does not think or belief or exist like me, and that's okay. Nor does anyone possess a monopoly on what's right/wrong. Or who's good/bad. We all have our own ideas and philosophies, and thankfully most of us are privileged the freedoms to choose what's best for us and our families. Me, I respect and accept and appreciate/celebrate everyone for who they are as individuals. There's no group think necessary for my friendship. I have no desire to change anyone into mini-Sage's. There already is one, me. Honestly, I avoid this topic and have already digressed...

...but, in that moment of shear pain, I call on all the ~ gods (& goddesses). "Oh please help me [insert deity of choice here]. Eventually, and thankfully a trained technician comes to my rescue and begins instructing me to sit down as they proceed to return fluids. Later, my husband (who may have been napping in the car) comes in. Witnessing all the blankets and forms of removable clothing, personal entertainment (my yarn, needles, hooks, books, etc), thrown to the side or sometimes, on the floor. With me defiantly standing or leaning (on tech) as I scream and moan and cry out. Totally vulnerable. Unconcerned what others may think as I become suddenly and unexpectedly crippled in expressed, fearless pain. Reliant on others for my relief for whom I express sincere appreciation, gratitude towards once the dust settles.