Brace  yourself for a possible melancholy rant. A momma bear's anguish...

Learned my qualified daughter didn't make Little League All Stars this season. She has repeatedly been passed up - despite skill level since she started playing. This season in particular really has my husband and I baffled considering her overall performance - powerful, peaceful, productive. positive.

Though she's a naturally formidable athlete -- can hit. Can catch. Can run. Can throw.  Pitching strong and evolving. Competent infield AND outfield. Amazing first baseman. A team player willing to play where she's needed - while maintaining a pleasant attitude. Sportsmanlike - win or lose. Will lose like a winner. Supportive, Encouraging, uplifting (not critical) of her teammates.

Respectful to her coaches - listens, applies. Coach[able].  Proper etiquette: makes eye contact while giving a firm handshake. Shows gratitude and responds well to constructive criticism. Adaptive. Let's the coaches coach. Has a good attitude. Never the troublemaker or the annoyance.  Never one who constantly complains /cries/whines/grunts/throws a tantrum... or initiate conflict, Never disturbs practice or game with extreme negativity or disturbing foolishness.

Always focused, pays attention; is passionate about competing and learning. Intelligent and affable. Sincere.Wants to play. The kind of player most coaches wish they had (many of her coaches have expressed trying to get her on their team!).

I lay this all out respectfully, thoughtfully while trying to clarify my perplexity. I'm no baseball enthusiast. I retain no expert knowledge of the game. Maybe the ambition in this case is having weaker  players on the team as some sort of clever strategy. And if she was somehow miraculously chosen, I wouldn't want her to end up riding the bench (which was the case several seasons ago) so that one or two chosen  players can shine. I  wouldn't want her being ridiculed and singled out by any negative player who may try to torment her, making her wish she didn't play due to the cruelty.

Maybe her strength is much too powerful and she needs to dumb herself down a bit (I know this is sometimes the case in academia). Maybe the constant denial into All Stars is a gentle push into "softball". But then again, there have been/and are girls chosen to All Stars as well. I don't know!

Maybe my husband and I were suppose to do some out-of-character brown nosing to guarantee her an opportunity. One to always be oblivious to gossip or chatter, this is one time I wish I knew something tawdry.Wished I were cooler, more hip. Forgive the sarcasm as I'm only attempting to make sense of this ordeal. I don't and probably will never know what happened. Chances are, she'll want to continue playing even after hearing this unjust news. She's tough - mentally and physically. Fearless.

Truly, I prefer her just walk away. Don't play anymore. Choose some solitary sport like tennis. She's an awesome golfer, why not focus there exclusively? Not being one to force my will on my kids, she has the freedom to choose. I'm just along for the exciting but occasionally painful ride. Sigh.

Of course, I was absent during most of the year due to health challenges, but I inquire. I get information in my own way. I quietly observe (my kid and others). My heart breaks. She loves the game so much. She even successfully competed in 2014 during my months of hospitalization. She played through the hardship without taking her pain out on others. It was just us - surviving.

How are we going to tell her? I hate not being able to protect her. Rather than shield her from something that will benefit her in the long run, I'll take the chance. Inform her of the facts I know.

 *Wish the powers that be, the ones responsible for her not being selected -- had to look her in the eye and explain exactly why she wasn't chosen-- and then also explain why every other player was chosen. Compare other players performance and their attitudes to hers - in detail - to her face. Wish this was an open discussion for all so no potential cowards can hide pretending to be clueless. Why leave the harder work solely up to the parents? Send the All Star list to all Little League parents/participants. Allow everyone (include those who always complement her) to see her name missing. Identify yourselves and welcome everyone to question your choices.

Momma Bear

This is not a kid who was forced to play because mommy or daddy played or wanted to play. This is "her" sport. Hers alone.. Her dad and I just contribute financially and support her in every other way possible. We monitor her character in the process as you gain insight into a person's psyche by the way they compete. Observe how they win, how they lose. Notice how they treat their teammates, their opponents. What are they saying/doing to others? Are they being honest? How do they allow others to treat them - are they assertive or are they passive? Are they one of the mean ones or the nicer ones? Are they manipulative? and who are they manipulating? Do they honor and respect their superior (their coaches)? Are they respectful to others (especially other adults)? Do they gossip and slander their teammates or do the listen to gossip/slander? Are they volatile or are they calm? Will they cost the whole team the game with negative outburst or do they control themselves?

Through it all - one can observe what's being taught or allowed in the privacy of homes.

Are they selfish or selfless? Can they be counted on? All this and more can be seen by the way a person plays a game. Practices instilled (and mirrored) by their parents can be brought to the light as well. One can learn more about the parents by watching the kid, I believe, to some degree. Some factors can take president in some cases. But overall,  how is negativity handled?

She rattles incessantly about everything baseball throughout every single day. Practicing things she feels she needs to work on. Going over something her coach has instructed. Reading baseball books borrowed from the library. Watching instructional You Tube videos. Engulfing herself into MLB games. She works out at our local gym - cardio/weight training - building strength and endurance and flexibility (I  use to be a certified fitness instructor in the 80's). What I know, my kids will know.

She even includes aspects of the game in her daily journal - self-awareness, social experiences, problems/solutions, concerns/fears, the game/practices, performance challenges/successes, drills, strategies, fundamentals, goals (earning All Star this season was a goal she wrote last year)... I wonder if the selected players do half as much to stay mentally and physically fit.

I  wish those doing the selecting didn't have a kid competing and could be more unbiased and objective. More fair minded in decision making. I'm trying not to assume or be guided by emotion. Just wondering and piecing things together in my head. Again, if this were your kid. What would you think or do? When All Star games are played, and the weakest link is obvious, will they think about - unwisely failing to pick my qualified daughter or will they arrogantly/mindlessly carry on with no consciousness.

I'd want to sit and watch some of the All Star games. Let them see her sitting in the crowd.

Figured her age may be the reason. But there are other players her same age or older that made the roster. I don't know. Why was she overlooked - again?! What is she doing or not doing?

I'd rather not speculate. My stomach was instantly in knots upon reading the email minus her name. And every time I think about it I feel sick. Lamenting in my blog is my way of coping. If any of those other parents - qualified kid - was repeatedly denied, perhaps they'd understand my lament.

Just hope this, Susan Lucci moment, is nothing personal. Our family has routinely shown unwavering quality character since the beginning. Any possible grievances are unknown. We have no negative feelings about anyone. We've been a loyal part of this league for years. And I present an open demeanor conducive to constructive approach, as I like to handle things head-on then, move on.

Reflecting: I noticed some coaches kids names - seem to always be on the All Star lineup. Some qualify. Some, I'm not so sure. Possible coincidence. But is it? Again, I don't know.

Haven't told her yet. It's currently Memorial Day weekend so we have time. Doubt if I'll let her see the actual All Star roster. Don't want her to compare herself. Unhealthy. What we saw, glaring suspicious choices  might be too infuriating to view. Especially since she performed her best. Gave 100% in performance and in attitude. Exemplified exceptional character. Superior talent overlooked.

Who is the source responsible for this?!

What I know is, times when my husband and I coached our kids teams, we were fair in our decision making. Our goal wasn't to make our kid the star player with an inflated ego.  But was to contribute to every kids lives in a positive way while sharing our knowledge of the sport. Coached the entire team without favoring any player. When we coached, no one was singled out.

Both being outside the  "cliche", the in crowd as kids ourselves, we know how it feels to be ostracized (or denied) from something you may deserve. Never favorably giving our kid any special treatment (if not, we rode our kid harder knowing their potential). There was no vindictiveness towards someone else's kid - whatever position our kid played, they earned it. Most of the time, whether or not our kid earned it, we gave the position to another kid ~ so they'll advance in skill. We knew that not being able to get what you want all the time - to be benched some of the time - would make our kids better in the long run. Favoring them does damage. And our kid knew better not to whine or beg or act ugly. I believe, whatever is tolerated at home, the kids will publicly do.

I believe some parents who are coaches too - are doing their kid a disservice - placating, pandering, or placing them on a athletic pedestal. This form of nepotism only abuses their power in neglecting the team and/or taints their reputation in terms of being truthful & honorable.

And in the end, potentially transforms or creates a selfish-snotty snob of a little person who grows up considering themselves unreasonably superior to their peers (or is envious of others who are better than); one who only cares about themselves, their well being thus - contributing absolutely nothing of substance to society. We create more beggars and whiners pouting for something (adulation) for nothing. Strangers will be expected to suffer dealing with the brat the parents/coaches cultivated.

I mean, who enjoys interacting with selfish-snotty snob adults? You know, these adults were once kids and who knows what type of parenting (neglectful or permissive) created this personality trait.

Just hate when my kids enjoyment is being sacrificed or sabotaged because some adult is making up for not being the popular kid in school. The more I wonder, the more pessimistic thoughts take root.

We all are role models in some capacity. This is why it is imperative to stay conscious of our thoughts, our behaviors when dealing with our own, or someone else's kid.  Possible hidden resentments demonstrates a lack of maturity or social intelligence necessary to lead anyone.

I digressed repeatedly as I recognize the more I write, this is something bigger than a trivial All Star status. What I am trying to convey, everything is connected. And whatever issues one might have (either from their childhood or currently in their personal life) can easily seep into the lives of the innocent. What I do is try to have compassion and not take things personally. Every unpleasant occurrence does not have anything to do with me. One could bang their heads against bricks trying to figure out what they could have done differently to avoid a type of rejection or omission. "Was it me or was it them?" Reality is, we may never know the going on's behind closed doors unless we're privileged a temporary transformation into a fly on a wall..

They may smile, but may hate you for some unknown reason beyond your control. Sad, but true. And they'll manifest their secret nefarious resentment(s) repeatedly for as long as they have access to your well-being while in consideration making decisions - on your behalf - if in the position. So I hope this is not the case with my child. Not now, she's too young to have to learn this huge lesson - about what's awaiting in this unfair world. Though tough, behind closed doors, she's a Care Bear. A Sweet heart who loves & laughs. Her world is not this ugly place and she'll exclaim that.

We'll turn this disappointment into something positive. Go out to eat, maybe. Find some tasty BBQ meal somewhere affordable since we're not the best cooks. Discern and remedy her feelings (which I'm sure she'll hide for awhile. She'll put on a strong front, but a mother knows...). Discuss plans to do something valuable - with that free time she'll now have. Finish this playoff season strong and introspectively. Manipulators me try...Stay in the Zone. Maintain a positive attitude through out. Contribute to a winning season. Apply any unsorted anger to her game performance positively.

Remaining practices and games have to be sharp, pristine. Let all the spectators she the excluded champ. Be even more spectacular. Don't weaken from this. Flex those super herion muscles baby!

Congratulate All Star teammates who may possibly insensitively boast & brag or get in your head. Be pleasant, holding no hostility whatsoever. Expect, but do not condemn ~ yet forgive childish behavior immersing from a child; and/or an immature adult.

Make sure "you" remember what this moment feels like for future reference. Re-set goals for yourself. Play even harder next time. Get better and better. Someday you'll get your chance to be celebratory. One day soon you'll be fairly recognized for something you wholeheartedly earned. Unfortunately, this was not your time. But some day will be yours, my child.

In the meantime gain wisdom from it. Build upon your natural courage and compassion; and self-control and containment. Use this experience as a source of enlightenment, power, tenacity, resilience. Excel, becoming even greater more excellent. Be the champion I know you are. Someday you'll be more grateful for the person or persons choice not to choose you.

You never know who is watching, who is listening. Always behave and speak as if all eyes and ears are on you. Leave no confusion as to who or what you are. Be of quality character - always. Shine!

Exercise discipline and don't take this personal - for it has NOTHING to do with you. Just practice and perfect genuine kindness and understanding and most importantly, forgiveness. Because honestly, at the core of most situations, upon digging deeper, you'll discover nothing is ever really personal. Especially when you've been/done your best. Had integrity and healthy intentions.

Everyone is not going to like/love you. For reasons only they know. Just be you - change what needs to change because we all should self-improve. But never for any person. For you - only.

By no means will she quit. She's too talented. Dilemma is, if we decide it's best we close the chapter on this league, where will/can she go next? Will this repeat itself elsewhere? How can we resolve it?

We've always prepared ourselves for the time - people tell us about - when the boys will eventually get too strong.They will out perform her. It's frequently suggested, she should transfer to softball (which she detest).*Will we begin suggesting that men who play softball quit and play baseball instead? even if baseball is not their interest, keep questioning them about "their" choices? Wondering...

For her, the sky is the limit. She'll make athletic adjustments on her terms. She participates in several other sports - baseball has always been her favorite. Her parents have her back totally I'm sure she finds comfort in that.  We were just hoping this season, she would have finally earned what she undeniably deserved. As a mom, just hope there's no agenda or mean-spiritness looming in the atmosphere at play here. Of course - at most will be done - is take our funds elsewhere, if need be. She has left a positive mark. More and more girls will hopefully play.

I believe my daughter could very well be the first female baseball player to go pro. Ignoring her will not be deter or hold her back or discourage her. There is a future star in this league and she is it (or one of them). She will: Keep training. Keep building skills. Keep advancing. Somebody will eventually notice. Just stay focused. Don't let negativity penetrate. Positive thoughts.

She first requested to play when she was two. Thinking she was confused, we suggested softball. "No!", she declared. "The small, white ball". When she turned six, nervously we signed her up. She was going to compete with the boys. Was going to be in the dugout totally hidden from the protective, vigilant eye of mommy. I had to "let go" quickly soon after she was born. She entered this world determined. Focused. Unafraid. Risky. Traits that can't be taught. Words cannot express how much I admired her then, as I am in awe of her today. With unbreakable confidence and courage, constantly she blast through things I would have never dared do when I was her age. Often times I ask my husband, "where did she come from?"

There will be many more All Stars type opportunities in her future. I'm confident she'll someday get the recognition due.  She has more time to advance.To develop. Get more hours in the school of life.

May she learn the beneficial lessons in this disappointment. Remain grateful for the opportunity, the freedom to step foot on the field/to wear a uniform/to be in the dugout. To hear the crowd cheer her on .To have genuine support from your male peers. They'll never forget having had her as their teammate. Every moment in time is special, it just depends on your perspective.

Be thankful the lessons from this devastating experience did not break you, but made you more resilient in your youth. Be thankful you were not physically wounded in the process. The possible emotional scar will soon heal, but the lesson will live on, like the memory - blossoming lasting wisdom from the deepest part of you.. Be thankful your parents ~ both mom and dad are right here for you. Will embrace you. You can always count on us. Even when you may stumble or fail.

Will remind her that we are proud  - win or lose. "We" see her light. We love and support her minus any conditions. We remain thankful she was born and we will forever be ~ honored to be her parents.

Feel kinda better now. Thanks for listening (reading)!


That's all,

Sage