Had dialysis this morning. 5:45 am - Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Three hours each day. My weekly routine until I'm fortunate a new, healthy kidney. Until then, my goal has been to stay positive and productive. Occasionally it gets hard to remain optimistic, I must admit. For instance, lately, I've been struggling with totally following the required Renal Diet -- No or low phosphorous or potassium. Research this diet and you'll be surprised by the necessary restrictions.

Health changes and challenges occurred for me February 2014. It seemed suddenly, but over the years, I suspected something was off health-wise. I had been suffering chronic migraines for over a decade on a daily basis. I have no idea how I successfully home schooled my kids as the pain was oftentimes debilitating. Somehow, I guess with sheer determination and passion, I prevailed.

 Digressed. My intentions were to write about my condition extensively in a later blog entry.

Well, my latest anxiety (which have been few, thankfully), are with the diet. Now that my appetite is finally returning since onset of disease, I want to eat more. Probably too much more according to my rapid weight increase.  I love cheese. I love huge and frequent tall glasses of ice water along with the occasional divulgence in lemony, homey iced tea. Cold, tasty, fresh squeezed, pulp filled orange juice. Research Renal Diet - something I'm still learning and you'll discover there are a host of commonly healthier foods, such as nuts, beans, tomatoes, beets, dates, oranges, bananas, etc. that are forbidden while on dialysis. Oh, and cheese is one of the many too. There are liquid restrictions too considering most dialysis patients no longer urinate. Luckily I do. Months ago I use to innocently text family and friends every time I urinated as it was such a huge celebration for me at the time. I doubt if they comprehended the reality of all urinating ceasing. Mine did stop for a few weeks, but returned shortly. Hope the flow continues.

So, as nature would have it, I'm finding myself craving things I can't have, plus more. I'm constantly thinking about eating and wishing I had relationships with people who loved to cook and who'd share wonderful meals. Or maybe be advantaged a personal chef who can design fabulous meals within the renal diet. Oh that would be fantastic. I'm not a cook. And neither is my husband, so being creative in the kitchen is not my passion, but has to be my necessity if I'm going to be and stay healthy - which is important to me. I exercise - frequent  trips to the gym. Walk. Practice sports with my little one and whatever else I'm privileged the energy and stamina to do.Hope to someday, jog again. Maybe even run a marathon down the line.

This morning I shared my concerns with my onsite nephrologist - I adore her. Love all my doctors, thankfully. I'm in good hands.Yeah, but I spoke to her about my current struggles. You see, when I first started on this life journey, I had no idea what was going on. While in the hospital for a migraine, I had a stroke. Upon testing, it was determined my kidneys were functioning at 5%! So, I was hospitalized for a few months all together. With the drugs/meds; affects of the stroke (frontal lobe) -- inability to walk, talk, write, read, eat, comprehend and on and on with the sudden, but thankfully temporary disabilities. Note: I was a forty something year old female at the time.

I was being dialysized and didn't know what was going on for a very, very long time. Along with medical staff, a host of amazing therapist, my husband was my primary caregiver. He followed all medical instructions given within reason. Though I wasn't really eating early on, few times I did, it always was something I  was allowed to consume. My labs stayed great until I started regaining my faculties. Uh, I believe my levels were slightly high during the winter holidays. Then again most recently for Mothers Day. And since then, I've been slightly paranoid. Trying to keep my levels down. Trying to keep my weight down as well - lost over 50 lbs during illness. Which was needed anyway. Over the years, I had put on an unusual amount of weight and stayed bloated looking. Now I can finally fit clothes I haven't worn in decades due to rapid, uncontrollable weight gain.

After confiding in my lovely doctor this morning, instantly I felt more hopeful and less stressed. I can over think things sometimes, and it takes me a minute to return to my normal state of being - more rational. This morning I packaged several goodies to help distract from that machine (dialysis).

You (or I) look around and wonder what are the other patients stories. I tend to lose myself in thought, wondering. Wishing some patients were close enough in proximity to chat. But then again, I'm there so early in the morning. most patients are sleeping or trying. And, many may not be as sociable as I.

Packed with me was most of the usual. Books, writing paper, pens, phone, tablet, magazine and, this morning I brought my crochet project - a colorful granny square blanket that I've been working on for years. I brought my crayons and one of my many coloring books. I love to color so I collect coloring books. All kinds. Luckily I got almost around my granny square before I napped for a bit.

My husband is always right there with me. Since the beginning, he has been my rock. Gosh, I have so much to be thankful for. Hope I have been as good to him as he has been to me. I try.

I'll write more about my what's in My Dialysis Bag in a future blog entry. Like I said, I have so much  to write about.

until next time,

Sage