It is February 6th. Happy 17th birthday my beloved daughter.

Your dad, older brother and subsequent, younger sister, we all miss you. Continue to honor and celebrate your short, yet significant life. Embracing what/who you were. What you could have/should have had the privilege to live, experience and become. Times remain challenging in every way since your absence. Today's troubles, though arduous, will never compare to the anguish of losing you.

Mommy pushes harder especially when she wants to give up. Whining and putting off what I can and could do today is not in the mindset. Losing you has continued to be my teacher. Some of us (who grieve in silence baring invisible wounds) -- We smile. We share. We care. Somehow we carry on. We may laugh. Yet we love genuinely, graciously and generously.

Having a child gives parents the greatest joy. Losing a child gives parents the greatest pain. Childbirth can't really be explained. Neither can child[loss]. Both have to be experienced to be comprehended.

We celebrate your life, your date of birth in our own way. Much like other deceased significant people are celebrated, today is a holiday for us and has been since your unexpected death.

Dad is off work. Your sister has a day off homeschooling. Hopefully your brother is honoring you in his way while at college. Some years we get a cake and balloons go somewhere or do something special depending on finances and mood.

We cleanse our body, minds and environment by eating healthier. Monitoring our thoughts more closely. Keeping them aligned with those things and experiences with which we'd prefer to attract.
De-cluttering our living space and if needed, relationships. Honing in on the substantive, meaningful; beneficial necessities to maintain an enlightened life.

Dear child, you are always in my heart. On my mind. Thankfully mommy gets stronger each day in life outliving her child. Stoically I continue on with my life's journey. Hoping to become a much better, brighter person each day. Inspiring, uplifting others, hopefully.

Honestly, some days are harder than others. Silently I continue to grieve. I've learned. Then I or your dad piece me (or ourselves) back together and we face the world, with a smile. With awareness.

Living and let live. Whatever my beliefs and philosophies are, actually living them myself. Not imposing "my values" on others. Being myself what I want to see in the world. Being that friend I want to have, etc. Essentially, intending to treat/respect others the way I want to be treated/respected.

Unselfishly aiming to be authentically kind, courteous, compassionate, supportive, honest, loyal...

Being a quality mother, wife, friend, neighbor and stranger is my intent each day with every breath I take. Living a conscious, purposeful life is necessary to get through without crumbling over the trivial. Being of strength and courage. Striving to be a good example to my kids.

Renal disease has not broken me. Because looking back, if I survived all these years without you, like the Sage I've gradually become in that time-span, I can sagaciously get through. Carrying on.