Recently participated in my first aqua aerobics class. Being a former aerobics instructor (in my late teens to late twenties), seeing people exercise while in water was tempting. I finally joined in and I had a blast - shaking my booty under water. I was doing all sorts of silly things in that water. Totally self-entertained knowing no one can see my body jiggling all over the place, the water camouflaging my every move. At least it seems that way. One can never know...
Yeah, I've been getting in the pool at least three days per week for months. I bike for 30 minutes - being able to watch TV or use my phone at the same time is amazing. Stretch, then I go around the circuit once or twice - depending on if I'm pressed for time or too fatigued. Do abs on the cushioned blue mats for about 15 minutes. Shower, then happily get into the pool - "pretend" swimming.
I'm able to go under water and maneuver myself from one point to the other. I feel I'm benefiting from just being in the water and moving. I'm sure a "real" swimmer can see I don't know what I'm doing, but this will be until I can afford adult swimming lessons. I've been told from the stern, but helpful lifeguard who taught my son how to swim (frustrated after paying for lessons and he stay at the same level for months, I had him get in and swim laps without instruction) that I need to blow bubbles while under water. "WHAT? Blow at the same time?! Too hard for me. And I'm sure it was too hard for my son. *I've since apologized to him for my lack of understanding.
I met this older woman blowing bubbles in the water while holding on to the edge of the pool. Of course we starting chatting and it turns out, she's almost 70! and enrolled in the adult swimming lessons. That totally inspired me to hurry to those lessons soon.
Once I pry myself from the enjoyment of the pool (I've come to love the water), I get in the Jacuzzi, then the steam, sauna and finally, shower again.
See, being able to be in water is a privilege now more so than ever. Before I had my fistula (research dialysis fistula) and I had the temporary catheter in my chest (research dialysis catheter), I couldn't even shower. Had to bathe, carefully. All because the catheter couldn't get wet. And I had the catheter for a little over one year, I think.
So some day being able to drink all the water I want (once I get my kidney transplant), but in the meantime, appreciate being able to be in water is a complete joy.
One thing I was thinking and feeling recently was, deep regret for not getting in the pool with my kids when they were babies. I now observe fun-looking "Mommy & Me" classes in the pool. Babies as young as six months giggling in the pool as their moms play with them in the water. Pure fun I allowed myself to miss out on. But, once I'm fortune grand-babies (a long time from now), I hope to be able explore the water with them. And be able to swim myself by then.
I'm sure every conscious parent have regrets at some point in their parenting. I know for sure, if I didn't have the privilege to experience the motherly intimacy and joy in nursing all three of my kids, I may have regretted not doing so later on. I'm just glad I was healthy enough and had the resources, the knowledge during and after my pregnancies.
Sometimes I regret not adding certain things to my Sage's Curriculum during my son's formative years. But then again, he started college at fourteen (because he was mentally & physically prepared) and is continuing to excel as a physics major.
Each child is different, so of course, parenting each one will be different. However I love them all the same, equally. I'm learning and evolving right alongside them. I'll stop here before I digress, get too far off with this blog.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
My daily/weekly fitness regimen:
Dialysis days (3 hours each day - starting at 4:45 AM - M/W/F) - usually my husband and I take a brisk walk soon after. If by chance I'm too fatigued that morning, I'll walk later in the day.
Off Days (non dialysis days), I go to my local place for fitness. Occasionally my daughter and I will walk the mile or so there. If not, we'll ride the stationary bikes for 30 minutes. She typically does that plus does the stair climber (elliptical machine) for another 30 minutes.
From there, we do the circuit (once to three times around). Side-by-side, she and I will complete 100 sit-ups. Then stretch for another fifteen minutes. On occasion, we'll play basketball.
Next, if she doesn't have an organized youth activity, we swim (or I'll swim alone). We spend about a half hour to an hour in the pool (self-teaching how to swim properly until we can afford classes). I then get in a nearby Jacuzzi. Followed by steam, sauna: showers.
Throughout each day, I typically crave tall glasses of iced water (which is not a wise luxury for me). Also I love to test random water fountains - especially at my fitness facility or local libraries -- where the water is usually clean, cold and forceful. This is another unwise habit I need to break due to the inability to adequately measure liquids being consumed.
Goal is, I want to be in ultimate physical and mental condition once I'm privileged a quality kidney. I can imagine the first few things I'm do once I'm able: drink lots of water. Maybe train to run a marathon. Being a former, extremely fit aerobics/fitness instructor, this feat is not impossible.
Dialysis days (3 hours each day - starting at 4:45 AM - M/W/F) - usually my husband and I take a brisk walk soon after. If by chance I'm too fatigued that morning, I'll walk later in the day.
Off Days (non dialysis days), I go to my local place for fitness. Occasionally my daughter and I will walk the mile or so there. If not, we'll ride the stationary bikes for 30 minutes. She typically does that plus does the stair climber (elliptical machine) for another 30 minutes.
From there, we do the circuit (once to three times around). Side-by-side, she and I will complete 100 sit-ups. Then stretch for another fifteen minutes. On occasion, we'll play basketball.
Next, if she doesn't have an organized youth activity, we swim (or I'll swim alone). We spend about a half hour to an hour in the pool (self-teaching how to swim properly until we can afford classes). I then get in a nearby Jacuzzi. Followed by steam, sauna: showers.
Throughout each day, I typically crave tall glasses of iced water (which is not a wise luxury for me). Also I love to test random water fountains - especially at my fitness facility or local libraries -- where the water is usually clean, cold and forceful. This is another unwise habit I need to break due to the inability to adequately measure liquids being consumed.
Goal is, I want to be in ultimate physical and mental condition once I'm privileged a quality kidney. I can imagine the first few things I'm do once I'm able: drink lots of water. Maybe train to run a marathon. Being a former, extremely fit aerobics/fitness instructor, this feat is not impossible.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Had an amazing experience recently during a family outing. Was conversing with a vivacious elder woman, and my being on dialysis came up in the conversation. Her husband has Alzheimer's and she's his primary caretaker. She openly shared her journey through that and I mentioned how my husband (who was present) is compassionately caring for me during the disease I'm enduring - renal failure/dialysis.
Meanwhile, this other woman overheard us and chimed in, and fortunately she did. Turns out, she's on her second kidney transplant and experienced dialysis (peritoneal). She was young, in her thirties. Beautiful. Vibrant. Sweet. Instantly, I loved her. This stranger, perhaps I'll never see again ~ yet she enriched my day, my life. That what may seem, rude intrusion, was the best.
I told her about just in the previous week, I overheard someone mentioning dialysis and I resisted chiming in on their personal conversation. Now I wished I did. I'll see them again and maybe then, I can share. See, when you are going through something like this, something where there is life or death, it gives you hope knowing you're not alone.
The young transplant recipient I met made my day (which was already great), it became even brighter as she shared "her story". I was amazed. Looking at a HEALTHY-looking person. She wasn't bloated from the medication (I dread) you have to take for life after transplant. She didn't look frail or fatigued. I was so happy to meet her. As it is, there is only a few dialysis patients that I see or encounter that I can relate. Those that are reasonably vibrant, somewhat fit, active, youthful, optimistic, cheery... This motivates me even more to be of hope or encouragement or of "health & happiness" to someone who may be silently observing "me".
Meanwhile, this other woman overheard us and chimed in, and fortunately she did. Turns out, she's on her second kidney transplant and experienced dialysis (peritoneal). She was young, in her thirties. Beautiful. Vibrant. Sweet. Instantly, I loved her. This stranger, perhaps I'll never see again ~ yet she enriched my day, my life. That what may seem, rude intrusion, was the best.
I told her about just in the previous week, I overheard someone mentioning dialysis and I resisted chiming in on their personal conversation. Now I wished I did. I'll see them again and maybe then, I can share. See, when you are going through something like this, something where there is life or death, it gives you hope knowing you're not alone.
The young transplant recipient I met made my day (which was already great), it became even brighter as she shared "her story". I was amazed. Looking at a HEALTHY-looking person. She wasn't bloated from the medication (I dread) you have to take for life after transplant. She didn't look frail or fatigued. I was so happy to meet her. As it is, there is only a few dialysis patients that I see or encounter that I can relate. Those that are reasonably vibrant, somewhat fit, active, youthful, optimistic, cheery... This motivates me even more to be of hope or encouragement or of "health & happiness" to someone who may be silently observing "me".
Friday, March 11, 2016
Kidney's Function:
- Remove waste/drugs from the body
- Balance the body's fluids
- Release hormones that regulate blood pressure
- Produce an active form of Vitamin D - that promotes healthy, strong bone
- Control the production of red blood cells
Daily I look forward to the overall health and strength a donor kidney may provide. I stay ready by keeping my mind and body fit -- through healthy thinking/beliefs and healthy lifestyle. Maintaining pure optimism even in the midst of my most difficult days with this disease.
During this Kidney Awareness Month, learn what you can do to prevent this disease. And, learn what you can do to help those enduring complications of the disease.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Challenging morning at dialysis. The needle insertion (cannulation) was extra painful and the pain continued for the duration of my treatment (three hours). All the usual fun activities I brought along with me for entertainment became unenjoyable and ultimately, pointless.
My husband got the attention of a nearby technician. The tech checked my machine and determined that I had a good needle insertion and a good flow (whatever that means). The pain was overlooked, it seems. I then asked for an ice pack. He inquired (he's new to this unit, I think. And has decades of experience and has demonstrated competence in his profession, so I was/felt in good hands) with other staff, then comforted me with what I requested.
With nothing to do but complain about my discomfort, (as I pat my fistula arm trying to relieve some of the burning sensation), I closed my eyes and surprisingly, slept through most of the agony.
I sit here now at our local library - I love this place. Here is where I feel...free and fulfilled. My daughter (age eleven) is here with me --utilizing a library computer nearby completing her academics.
I'm sure it is obvious I'm not {feeling}100%. Dear daughter is assisting me greatly in walking, gathering & preparing my activities (laptop, yarn, lip balm, blanket). Staff here have known my family and I for decades. My kids were raised in these libraries ~ all are like a second, third... home.
I'm kinda stumbling around. Requesting people come to me as I'm too fatigued (probably due to this morning dialysis) to walk around. I forget basic things often, so here, I feel safe asking for help with the simplest thing. Example: how to connect to WI FI. My husband has told me numerous times, and I have remembered half of those times. And today, I needed help with the same question.
On top of a painful treatment this morning, also I received my monthly lab results. Blah!
About 98% of my the time, since I've been on dialysis, I've done exceptionally well. Dutiful in adhering to requirements. But now that my appetite is increasing and my love of big glasses of iced water, I have been poorly self-managing and failing miserably, in my opinion on this damn Renal Diet. "I want [need] bananas, potatoes, tomatoes, avocados, oranges, nuts, beans...and a Pepsi every now and then!"
This month, my phoshorus was high (6.0). It's suppose to fall between 3.5-5.5. High phoshorus causes bone disease, itching, deposits in joints/blood vessels/skin. I need to take a binder with meals and snack. Avoid high phosphrous foods (milk, cheese, dairy, dried beans, nuts, chocolate and colas).
And my PTH was 823.0. Again, it too was high. It's suppose to fall between 150-650. High parathyroid hormone (PTH) puts me at risk for bone disease. Oral or IV Vitamin D may be given during dialysis to lower my PTH levels. I can keep my phoshorus controlled by taking binders and avoiding high phosphorus foods.
My calcium was low, 7.9. Normal range is between 8.4-10.2. I need to talk to my dietitian or physician about ways to increase my calcium level.
Thankfully, my albumin, potassium, hemoglobin, URR (Urea Reduction Ratio), Kt/V (dialysis adequacy) were all normal.
Meeting the standards required in order to properly maintain optimal health is an arduous journey. Each day I struggle through some sort of obstacle, yet each day, I manage to successfully survive.
All of this is a matter of discipline and knowledge. Doing the work physically and mentally to come out on top. As it is, there is very few people in terms of fellow patients to look to for inspiration. From what I observe each Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning, we all are struggling. And some look worse than others.
All my life, I have rarely shown pain or weakness. Have tried not to reveal too much personal vulnerabilities in the presence of possible predatory types. But THIS disease and the death of my daughter have caused me to reveal even more of my humanness. Yet at this age, I've surrounded myself with quality people so I won't need/want to "mask" too much.
I know my kids are learning how to endure through "my" endurance and stamina and resilience. Out of a magnitude of lessons, they are learning to choose their friendships/relationships wisely. For you will see who is who in your darkest hour.
They are learning to maintain their health - through nutrition and fitness. They witness me go to the gym and push through flexible limitations. They witness me take up and on good distractions such as crochet/knit/blog, etc.
Whenever I feel like giving up I remind myself, "they" are watching and learning - from me. Who knows who else have observed something in me and gained inspiration from what they know of my journey. Who knows which dialysis patient (or staff) may be watching, observing and learning from me. After all, I can't be the only People Watcher.
My husband got the attention of a nearby technician. The tech checked my machine and determined that I had a good needle insertion and a good flow (whatever that means). The pain was overlooked, it seems. I then asked for an ice pack. He inquired (he's new to this unit, I think. And has decades of experience and has demonstrated competence in his profession, so I was/felt in good hands) with other staff, then comforted me with what I requested.
With nothing to do but complain about my discomfort, (as I pat my fistula arm trying to relieve some of the burning sensation), I closed my eyes and surprisingly, slept through most of the agony.
I sit here now at our local library - I love this place. Here is where I feel...free and fulfilled. My daughter (age eleven) is here with me --utilizing a library computer nearby completing her academics.
I'm sure it is obvious I'm not {feeling}100%. Dear daughter is assisting me greatly in walking, gathering & preparing my activities (laptop, yarn, lip balm, blanket). Staff here have known my family and I for decades. My kids were raised in these libraries ~ all are like a second, third... home.
I'm kinda stumbling around. Requesting people come to me as I'm too fatigued (probably due to this morning dialysis) to walk around. I forget basic things often, so here, I feel safe asking for help with the simplest thing. Example: how to connect to WI FI. My husband has told me numerous times, and I have remembered half of those times. And today, I needed help with the same question.
On top of a painful treatment this morning, also I received my monthly lab results. Blah!
About 98% of my the time, since I've been on dialysis, I've done exceptionally well. Dutiful in adhering to requirements. But now that my appetite is increasing and my love of big glasses of iced water, I have been poorly self-managing and failing miserably, in my opinion on this damn Renal Diet. "I want [need] bananas, potatoes, tomatoes, avocados, oranges, nuts, beans...and a Pepsi every now and then!"
This month, my phoshorus was high (6.0). It's suppose to fall between 3.5-5.5. High phoshorus causes bone disease, itching, deposits in joints/blood vessels/skin. I need to take a binder with meals and snack. Avoid high phosphrous foods (milk, cheese, dairy, dried beans, nuts, chocolate and colas).
And my PTH was 823.0. Again, it too was high. It's suppose to fall between 150-650. High parathyroid hormone (PTH) puts me at risk for bone disease. Oral or IV Vitamin D may be given during dialysis to lower my PTH levels. I can keep my phoshorus controlled by taking binders and avoiding high phosphorus foods.
My calcium was low, 7.9. Normal range is between 8.4-10.2. I need to talk to my dietitian or physician about ways to increase my calcium level.
Thankfully, my albumin, potassium, hemoglobin, URR (Urea Reduction Ratio), Kt/V (dialysis adequacy) were all normal.
Meeting the standards required in order to properly maintain optimal health is an arduous journey. Each day I struggle through some sort of obstacle, yet each day, I manage to successfully survive.
All of this is a matter of discipline and knowledge. Doing the work physically and mentally to come out on top. As it is, there is very few people in terms of fellow patients to look to for inspiration. From what I observe each Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning, we all are struggling. And some look worse than others.
All my life, I have rarely shown pain or weakness. Have tried not to reveal too much personal vulnerabilities in the presence of possible predatory types. But THIS disease and the death of my daughter have caused me to reveal even more of my humanness. Yet at this age, I've surrounded myself with quality people so I won't need/want to "mask" too much.
I know my kids are learning how to endure through "my" endurance and stamina and resilience. Out of a magnitude of lessons, they are learning to choose their friendships/relationships wisely. For you will see who is who in your darkest hour.
They are learning to maintain their health - through nutrition and fitness. They witness me go to the gym and push through flexible limitations. They witness me take up and on good distractions such as crochet/knit/blog, etc.
Whenever I feel like giving up I remind myself, "they" are watching and learning - from me. Who knows who else have observed something in me and gained inspiration from what they know of my journey. Who knows which dialysis patient (or staff) may be watching, observing and learning from me. After all, I can't be the only People Watcher.
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