My twelve year old daughter is VERY active - daily. For sports, right now she competes in golf, volleyball, flag football, handball, dodge ball, basketball, hockey, boxing, badminton. In the recent past she has competed in: baseball (not softball), tennis. She wants to participate in: rugby, water polo, lacrosse, martial arts. She also exercises with me at the fitness facility we all attend. There she runs (outdoors too), bikes, stair climbs, circuit, yoga (at home too), swims and aqua aerobics.

An awesome chess player too, I think her fearlessness keeps her at a level of excellence competitively both athletically and academically. Charitable volunteerism is factored into the weekly regimen.

An avid bibliophile (much like her family), she also knits, crochets and quilts very well. Equally loves the past time of gardening and culinary. Oftentimes either myself or even other adults seek out her expertise in troubleshooting project jams or confusions.

Most importantly, she is of quality character, which my husband and I are proud. Advanced for her age and grade, she has no challenges when it comes to easily socializing, engaging or interacting with others regardless of difference in age, gender, culture or background.

When I'm asked, "how long will you home-school?", I wonder. It is obvious to those paying attention, I hope - academically, athletically, attitude there's no problem. What part of her well-being or character will a traditional school environment benefit? My husband and I home-schooled our son through intense grief through child loss. At this point, I quit my career as a self-employed hairstylist.

And now. We continue to home-school through my debilitating health challenge.  The biggest strain and stress is it's just the four of us. Whatever happens we pretty much have to endure challenges alone - aside from my dad, who has become more consistent and helpful. And the biggest challenge - which has been rapidly growing since 2000, the year I had to stop working (due to the symptoms of grief) and now, humongous medical bills - which can be very depressing, to say the least.

I think the largest burden to any health challenge is the financial toll it has on the family as a whole. Every small expense, is a huge one coupled with what already exist. With no way of collecting disability, even though, I'm considered "disabled", I remain clueless as to whom some sort of healthcare reform was actually for. Rather than rant about anything that can possibly turn political, I'll stick to my personal policy ~ to never freely discuss my political or religious philosophies.

Sitting here, in bed. Marveling at the things I "can do".

At the beginning stages of this renal condition, I had a dialysis catheter [google]. This was a temporary port through my chest area for which dialysis treatments could be done. During months or year with catheter, I was hospitalized with a serious infection. This is one of the risk of having a catheter which is why they are temporary (I suppose).

Limitations were I had to be careful not to get it wet. Which meant, no long, luxurious baths. And absolutely NO SWIMMING.

For the past year or so, I have the dialysis fistula [google]. Mine is in my left arm. Limitations with this are: no jewelry or anything slightly restricting on that arm, ever. No carrying even slightly heavy objects with that hand or arm, i.e, groceries or hand bags. No sleeping on that side of the body. No strenuous activity, even certain sports that can pose risk of injury to that arm. There is a plethora of other "no, no's", but what I can do is SWIM.

Recently watched, TransFatty Lives. A biographical documentary about Patrick Sean O'Brien's journey through ALS. Film captures his humor, observations, reflections etc. All lacking in self-pity or "why me's". Lately I've been challenged by some health discomforts of my own. But nothing compares to what he is bravely enduring. So true, there is always someone in worse circumstances.

Something Patrick said that will stick with me, especially during moments when I feel like I'm being defeated by this condition of Renal Disease. While confined motionless to a bed, he chronicled his annoyance with the bugs that occasionally made his body their home. In his condition, there wasn't much he could do, other than blink. Finally he realized, surrendering somehow released him from the pestering the bugs presented.

Imagine. Even measly bugs can be your teachers. When you are forced to "be still". Amazing things you'll soon discover in that stillness. The core of who you are will soon blossom as superficial, trivial things that sometimes consumes us all become bugs in our lives.

Personally I had discoveries immediately following the death of a child. And I have discoveries following near death of my own. When faced with the worst, profound lessons can be had. Situations due to lack of: resources, money, influence and so on.

At some point when you become physically or emotionally paralyzed to where you can't run. Can't shop. Can't indulge in any of those things or behaviors you may have used to block out the realities around or within. Reality is, when life happens, you will have no choice but to stop. Soon you'll become enlightened. Become conscious. You'll see. You'll feel. You'll discover all senses and somewhat feel like, how I frequently described after losing a daughter, you'll feel like a superhero. Totally in-tuned to, totally unmoved by the world. Stoic.

Soon you'll attract that which is for your good and repel that which is not. People, places, things, ideas and beliefs suddenly become transparent. You have been gifted a new set of superpowers, as I described it a decade or so ago.

"Transfatty Lives is must see film. I was in tears but not drowning in sorrow. While in my own temporary vulnerability, I was glued to the screen. Transfixed (and transformed) on Patrick Sean O'Brien's courage and grace in the midst of his ordeal was inspiring. A teachable depiction about how to maintain a sense of SELF despite obstacles being faced.

Daily, I do my best. I know if anything, my twelve year old is watching. Absorbing. She's learning about how to cope, how to comfort, how to have compassion by seeing her "pillar of strength", her mom, conquer and overcome. My son witnessed my torturous grief through child loss. My daughter is witnessing this new battle our whole family is facing - together.

I'd hope that I could be an inspiration to others in some in some form. In some way, I have my own documentary happening right here. Right now. Times when I find myself whimpering in a fetal position, helpless. Unknowing how or if I'll survive the limitations that this condition has bestowed upon me. I quickly regain more logic and reasoning. Remembering where I was back in 2014 and where I am now. There still is much for me to be grateful. I'm still privileged my mind, my sanity. Most importantly, my family, my friends. And the battle is holding on to those fortunes maintained while in the midst of any tribulations. Stay optimistic. Stay thankful. Keep pushing through life mindfully. Embrace all moments. In the storm, the sun will eventually come up. Hold on. Wait, patiently. Surrender to those things, "the bugs" which are impossible to fight.