This morning I was privileged the wellness and strength to get up. Shower. Brush my teeth. Moisturize. Dress and gather all necessary belonging (mask included) and hurry out the house - alone.
While driving myself from one fun adventure (fabric and yarn place) to another (hair products, perfumes/moisturizers, cookware, candles, etc), I was listening to listener-sponsored radio - which was at the time, celebrating the 80th Birthday of John Lennon.
As I enjoyed hearing harmonies of peace and love and unity, I felt a sudden burst of optimism. I’ve been sorta quietly pessimistic & melancholy for the past months as we as a nation try to adapt and navigate all the chaos and conflict and controversy and corruption and Covid and [in]competence savagely bestowed upon us. Daily, subjected to actions & words that have been used and distributed destructively and maliciously.
Though I didn’t know Lennon personally, I can appreciate the unifying and uplifting messages he gifted us within his lyrics of peace. Which has undoubtedly added beauty to the world.
We all are responsible for our contributions not only to ourselves, but also to: our families, our friends, our neighbors, our communities, our decedents, our nation, our world. Are we adding love or hate? What will our societal positions state about our thoughts/beliefs/decisions historically in the future?
In these current times, its no longer about republican vs democrat. Rich vs poor. Black vs white. Religious vs nonreligious. Christian vs other. Educated vs uneducated. Now, looking with compassionate, humane eyes, it is obviously all about love vs hate. Good vs evil. This is the climate we're facing.
No civility. No decency. No humanity. No integrity. No honesty or "morality". Nothing worthy of smugness or self-righteousness. Look at ourselves. See what we've allowed. What we've become. A divided nation. How dare we have the audacity to dictate our sense of righteousness on other parts of the globe. Who and what are we?! Who and what are we raising?!
Where will we stand/speak or sit/stand in this crucial time (2020)? Where will our descendants stand/speak or sit/stand (if survived the changes in climate/corruptions)? What will our descendants learn about who/what we were decades from now? Think about the image we’d portray about who/what we are or were. Think! Let's rid ourselves of mindless blind obedience to tyranny/tyrannical messaging and tap in to our humanity.
Recognize the deviant intentions and think about if you were on the other side of the hatefulness. You were a different color, religion/belief, gender, lifestyle. How would you feel if leaders were enticing violence toward you? What if you were an instant target of hate simply because you were born the wrong race or other? It has become an us vs them and I'm sickened by the foolishness!
Where is the love in all of this? What would your chosen deities do? Is this behavior condoned by the gods/goddesses? Is this the evolving world where all can be free (un-slaved) and live in harmony? Or, is this planet only for who and what you are?
Whenever I listen to the lyrics from the song, “Imagine”, and I think about the timelessness of this song. I reflect on what our imperfect world was dealing with then. I then think about the now. Never would I have imagined all the escalated and condoned hate. The plethora of unreasonable justifications for bigotry and unfairness. Pure hate by many of those who profess to be superior, supreme, righteous and all-knowing.
Who and what are we?!
Quietly I isolate my thoughts and stay mindful of my words as I tell my totally afraid self, “everything will be okay. You’re a survivor. One day at a time...”.
I remind myself of my qualities and briefly, I take comfort in knowing I'm safe because there should be no reason for hatefulness to attack me (or someone like or similar) because I'm "different". Then, all I gotta do is turn on the news or other. And be reminded it is my difference that may make me a target. This reality is terrifying. I can only imagine what horrors my ancestors were dealt.
I’ll be 53 on October 15th. If I read tweets or see'em or other despicable rants in media, instantly I remember my devoutly religious, evangelical, fire & brimstone; abusive, neglectful, envious, malicious, ignorant, later-in-life diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic (possibly evil) now deceased mother. I fight the frequent episodes of nightmarish fear, as if she was actually here in form tormenting, cunning, controlling, deceiving, conniving, lying, agitating, destroying, corrupting, sneaking, maligning, blaming, instigating, cheating, erupting, frightening, threatening, unforgiving, aggravating, embarrassing, ranting/raging...
She was fraudulent, unapologetic, anti-intelligent, demeaning, critical, anti-science, superstitious, gluttonous, cowardly, ungrateful, possessive, needy, greedy, hypocritical, Machiavellian, unreliable, resentful, confrontational, defensive, dogmatic, tactless, irrational, misinformed, manic, paranoid, abrasive, dramatic, vulgar, opportunistic, dismissive, immoral, judgmental, anti-motherhood, self-righteous, malicious, pathological, cruel, hostile, grandiose, braggadocios, thoughtless, selfish, indiscreet, bossy, spiteful, ignorant, obnoxious, unconscious, reckless, insincere, inept, reactive, superficial, vicious, asinine, animated, cynical, combustible. While in actuality its the chosen nation leader who’s the primary cause of my agonizing fright.
As a child and parts of my adulthood, I lived in constant terror. Afraid to speak or do anything that would cause her to erupt. I couldn't talk to her about anything. Nothing I did pleased her. All I was was a prop. Pull me out only when she wanted to brag, seeking envy and praise - thus making me feel withdrawn and uncomfortable. I was obedient. I was respectful.
My mother took her hatred for her one and only child to her grave. Her final act was one to attempt to figuratively stab me deeply in the heart, as if she hadn't done enough emotional harm. She made sure I was not included in her last minute will. Absolutely nothing left for me or my kids. Zero. Unfortunately she cannot see that I've been at peace with her last treacherous act. No longer having to deal with her was my ultimate freedom and sense of safety.
I'm free of her wicked wrath. Her using her religion to scare me into servility submission. "Things" were never important. All that I accomplished & overcame without help or support from her, threatened and angered her even more. Her unconditional love was all that I craved. Who/what I was didn't matter. I was born (out of wedlock/adultery/fornication) and that was my sin. Looking at me reminded her of who and what she secretly was.
I was raised by, I managed to survive a sick and twisted insecure narcissist. In him I see her. I hear him I hear her. I'm thankful she was not in position to exert power over many lives.
No one stood up or spoke up on my behalf. Not even "The Righteous". I remained a defenseless child. Obedient till the end. All those bystanders who knew exactly what/who she was, I blame them. Those who remain silent/stagnant are just as guilty as the oppressor, the tormentor. Redemption is necessary. Forgiveness is possible. They know who the are and what they allowed.
I see/hear him, I see/hear her.
Passionate protesters have every right to march peacefully for fairness and justice. Predators seem to expect their prey to submit quietly. Nonresistance as they inflict their race privilege. That's the freedom they want. To control, to rule the thoughts, minds and being of all. Equality is a human right. Again, imagine if plights were reversed. Would you sit idly by and be subjected to hatefulness simply because you were born different? What kind of world would you want for your kid? We all want the best for our offspring. No one has sole ownership of the planet. In this diverse world, we are here together with the same needs and similar desires.
We all bleed. We all hurt. We all feel. We all eat. We all sleep... We all need water and air to breathe. We all live and we die.We are want equality and justice. Basic freedoms. Simple. Shoot, step on our necks, kills us and get away with your crimes, there will be more of us wanting the same rights. Is the goal to wipe out all those who don't look like you?
All I can do, much like most of us who are free, is to vote. Vote not only for my private and personal beliefs & comforts. Vote not only for my personal well being. Vote not only for my race and religion/philosophy. But vote for human/womankind. I believe who/what I AM will be reflected in how I vote.
By no means am I wishing to take away anyone's freedom to hate. But I do wish your hate wouldn't affect/infect or have a negative effect on my life or others. We all are repulsed by toxic people. In wisdom, we learn how to wisely avoid those who do not dwell in or at our personal energy level.
Imagine a world of peace. Imagine a world of love. Imagine a world of happiness. Imagine a unifying, loving world freer of hate, bigotry. Obama’s presidency can’t continue causing such vengeance and violence. His presidency was inclusive and unifying and of HOPE. Yes, he was half black. But nothing he did (or tweeted) was anything remotely close to what we have been subjected to for nearly four long years. I plead. Search your hearts. Think with your minds.
Are we part of the problem? Or, are we part of the solution? Love or hate is our ultimate decision in 2020 election. What ugliness are we condoning? What ugliness are we excusing? What ugliness are we justifying? In such a diverse world does it make sense to be part of Making America White Again?
If intellectually honest, we can clearly see everything occurring for what it really is. After all, "it is what it is" is the current mindset. Meanwhile too many have suffered, have died. No denying the facts. No more moralizing or self-righteous judgments on the behaviors of others. You’ve proven who and what you are by how you you vote 2020.
Research unbiased facts. Self-reflect. Recognize who and what you are as a human. “Stand by and stand down” and instead of hatefulness, choose to be of character, competence and compassion. Demonstrate love instead of hate to the next generations. Our offspring know who/what we are. If they don’t know, they will in the future. Please help make this planet a better, safer place for all.
*Please practice consideration and safety for yourself and others — wear your helmets, seat belts, condoms and mask. It's about safety (for the living). It's not political because Covid is unbiased. It does not discriminate!
