November 8th, I was in a hospital bed - on an antibiotics IV, recovering from a minor dialysis fistula infection. Days before, I was in a packed ER room, frantically filling out my mail-in ballot to cast my procrastinated vote for the candidate I least feared to lead this country.

Home now. I awoke this morning feeling panicky. Worried. After all, myself and many of the quality people with whom I associate, many friends; people whom I love and respect fit the diverse profiles those publicly ranted; plethora of irresponsible, vicious, negative "tweets" were against.

Who will lead people like me, like us... minus any toxic hate or vengeance or ignorance? I'm concerned. But I'm sure, with time and thought, I'll quickly recover. The Behaviors won't affect my life, our lives.. will they? Are those who are okay with the behaviors, those who celebrate, do they too secretly harbor these type of feelings for those who are different?

Being an "anti-bullying" type of parent who teaches and models quality behavior - kindness, tolerance, respect, fairness, decency, honesty, integrity, reason, logic, thoughtfulness,  mindfulness, forgiveness; hard work (you will not start your lives at 3rd base then go on acting like you hit a home run, thus treating others as if they are inferior and so on), get your facts first, knowledge, intellectual curiosity and so on. How do I continue to parent teaching that all these traits of quality character are the keys to success in this world?

Mind you, my escalating medical expenses have been causing extreme stress. I've worked most of my life. But, I'm not on disability or any other type of assistance. My husband, a tax accountant is our sole income. The debt from the rising cost of frequent co-pays, prescriptions, etc. had me really questioning my vote. Here I was, in fistula pain for days afraid of the copay of the ER visit. My fears of medical cost is one of the causes of my current predicament with renal disease. Afraid to get medical care because of the cost. I don't want to possibly leave my already struggling family in debt!

I was reluctant to blog about this subject as I'm a believer in keeping my religious/political beliefs private. After all, for example. When you cast your political vote, it's in a securely enclosed space. No one can see. And respectfully, no one asks.

My religious thoughts are the same, enclosed and private. And I'm not expressing either here, really. Just my fears of the known (past behaviors), and the unknown (would the past behaviors continue or worsen)? I'm stuck in a constant sickness to my stomach wondering/worrying...

Politics and Religion can be unpleasantly divisive. It can reveal "conditional" feelings quickly. If someone expressed deep love and kindness and support and civility toward you at one point, then later even suspect you may not believe exactly as they do, they immediately change. Instantly become less loving. Less kind. Less supportive. And less civil. It's rather unfortunate.

This possibility is truly scary and hurtful. It can sting whenever it happens to the best of us. But I noticed that even though I've avoided these subjects in my personal life, believers can hear my glaring silence when these subjects sneak up and most of the time, they judge.

But you live and you learn.  Nevertheless, you remain true to who you are. Those who are genuine will find you and you won't have to be concerned if their treatment of you is conditional or unconditional. Their goodness, their generosity, their gracefulness will be sincere & long-lasting.

A great wise woman once said, I think it was Maya Angelou, "when people show you who they are, believe them".

I know I'm not alone in my feelings or my predicament. I bravely hit, "Publish" . Then, "share" buttons.