Received my dialysis lab results today. They take all the necessary labs monthly. Also, certain ones are taken twice per month.

This month, my labs were satisfactory except for one, which has been high some time now. Phosphorus. Phosphorus is found in most if not all foods, but higher in some. On the renal diet (until I get a kidney) I am to AVOID high phosphorus foods such as: milk, cheese/dairy, dried beans nuts, chocolate and colas.

I LOVE cheese. Cheese has been my primary weakness most of my life. And giving it up, even if it can potentially kill me has been my obstacle.

The range is normally 2.5 - 5.5. February it was 6.2. March it is 6.2, meaning I haven't learned from the previous month. For me, these readings are like a school report card. Typically a disciplined person,  I usually aim for excellence (as I've encouraged my kids). What's the lesson for me in this rut I feel stuck in?

Today I could tell when my awesome dietitian was slowly approaching me with several lab sheets in her hand that I wasn't going to been happy with the results. I couldn't slyly escape, walk away as I had several minutes left on the dialysis machine. Sigh.

On top of this, I've been craving a huge glass of chocolate milk - which I've been avoiding until I received excellent results on my labs. Looks like I've been indulging in too much of the other forbidden foods. Reality is, I'll never be privileged a big glass of anything, especially chocolate... not with these defected kidneys.

Perhaps the stress I've been subject to lately has been weakening my self-control. Despite my current challenges, I'm confident that I'll soon find my way.