Currently in the process of organizing my daughters messy hair accessory drawer.

Meticulously arranging the hefty assortment of colorful barrettes, hair bands, hair ribbons, hair clips, hair headbands, hair scarfs, hair bobbles... All theses accessories were collected and accumulated enthusiastically since her infancy.

Unexpectedly jarring a memory - I vividly recall coupled with the indescribable grief, the longing to buy something "girlie". Remember, my husband and I lost a beautiful, healthy daughter (2000), who died suddenly in my arms while nursing at my breast - while dining in a restaurant with my then 3 year old son and husband.

All the girlie things in the stores during that time were like knives in my heart at each sight. And I can remember all the pink in the stores, the dolls, the dresses; the plethora of decorative girlie hair accessories and wishing I had reasons to purchase. Sigh! Time and love has been my comforter.

It's amazing what simple things can make you pause and reflect. Thankfully I'm finally in a good place. Took over a decade, but I'm still here. Wiser and stronger. I feel grateful. I feel privileged.

Though my 5 foot 9, solid & strong, twelve year old (size 11 men's shoe) is no "girlie girl" (like I predicted my deceased daughter would be). She has her own sense of style. Confidently and comfortably dresses like a boy (with a taste of a feminine touch in between). Loves plaid shirts. Though she plays/competes like a typical boy, she will lovingly caress and cuddle her dad, brother and I as if we are her most treasured stuffed toys. There is a softer, sensitive side.

Amongst other things rough and tough and dirty, she knits, crochets, looms, sews. and still plays with dolls. So, these hair accessories are put to good use from time to time. Though I admit, certain days she'll let me place a ribbon in her hair. Tween now, bigger n' taller than I, regardless, she's still my subsequent cherished baby.